Sometimes, being a girl is downright scary.
With the roller coaster of emotions, constant to-do list rolling around in my brain, the messes, cries for help, and the need to be what everyone needs me to be when I know I don’t have what it takes…
Yep, it seriously scares the living daylights out of me some days (or most days?).
But, if I can be honest {gulp}, do you know what’s even more scary than that? Interacting with the rest of the girls on this planet. Now that has caused more tears and lost sleep than I care to admit.
Not long ago, during a pointed conversation with a sweet friend, something random hit a nerve, and I. lost. it. I was appalled with myself, because I “never” do that. I ugly cried right there in my kitchen and I couldn’t figure out why. There were a thousand whispers hurling,“You’re not good enough”, “They don’t really like you”…the insecurity and comparisons rolled in thick. A knot inside my stomach completely knocked all joy and peace right out the window.
My prayers felt jumbled as I tried to make sense of the mess inside my heart. I felt like a high school girl creating a soap opera inside my head.
Almost without expecting an answer, I cried, “God, what is wrong with me?!”
I heard His clear voice echo inside my heart,
“You’re more afraid of other people than you are of Me.”
Ouch.
The Lord immediately brought this verse to mind:
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us.” - I John 4:18-19
I realized that I had been literally steeped in fear of others instead of fearing Him. That paralyzing fear was stifling His love from flowing in my life. Not only had it squelched my communion with Him, but it had tainted my view of others. The unhealthy, insecure fears infested within my heart were specifically robbing me of true friendship and community with other women.
As I allowed this realization to sink into my heart, something happened. I began to read scriptures about fearing Him only, realigning my heart to His, and suddenly the floodgates opened. I felt His love wash over me in a way that I can’t explain. I felt steady, more sure of my steps, even though nothing about me had really changed.
The thing about His love? It’s the kind that flows in as liquid grace. It fills in the cracks and crevices of all of our weaknesses and flaws. And suddenly, as the fear diminished, I saw others through new eyes. People were no longer scary giants I could never please, but fellow sojourners in desperate need of the same grace salve that I needed, too: His love.
Don’t we all need that desperately? And don’t we all crave that kind of community filled with His love and grace freely given?
I know I do.
I also know that being real with other women is scary. But, do you want to know a little secret? We’re all just a little scared on the inside. Can we trust that as His perfect love and grace covers all of us, maybe, just maybe we don’t have so much to be afraid of, after all?
Because any fear other than fear of Him – it puts us in a prison. But His perfect love?
It sets us free.
The sky is the limit, and He’s here, my dear sisters.
The grace is thick, and we’re all heading in the same direction.
Let’s fly together, shall we?
Have you struggled with fears that have inhibited community? How has God helped you to overcome it?
Photo Credit: Let’s Fly